This post ran previously on Unbest
Royal Oak Music Theater
December 18, 2011
If I learned one thing from this show, it’s that I’m not the Morrissey fan I thought I was.
I am a fan of his entire discography; I have a Morrissey nightlight. I thought that was commitment.
I thought going to a Morrissey show alone might be the most depressing thing I might ever do, but it turned out to be one of the most jubilant shows I’ve enjoyed in my lifetime. As an added bonus, I got accepted into a group of super fans by just showing up and asserting myself.
I arrived at the theater as doors opened and there was already a sizeable line. I made my way into the theater and immediately went to the stage to stake my place. Within twenty minutes, two gentleman pulled the “Oh, hey I see my friends!” gambit to get closer to the stage where their tall friend was camped (I know this trick, it’s no one’s first time at the rodeo) directly in front of me.
Despite my lack of intimidating size, much like any grab-bag third world dictator you can think of, I can have an air of authority of someone much taller. When those gentlemen asserted their spots, I loudly and sarcastically proclaimed, “Well I’m super glad I got here really early so I’d have no chance of seeing.”
The shorter of the two gentleman, Nick, looked at me and said, “Oh don’t worry, we’ll move so you can see.” He was wearing a jean jacket with a large Morrissey patch adhered with safety pins on the back of it. Some time passed and he looked to me again and asked, “Is this your first show?”
When I replied “Yes,” his eyes lit up. “It’s going to get really crazy up here, but you’re going to love it.”
If dudes are expected to have a lot of sex
But ladies are expected to stay virgins until marriage
But homosexuality is bad
I’m really confused who dudes are supposed to be having all that sex with
Right so im walking home and I see this guy rolling a cigarette under a streetlamp and when he clicked his lighter THE FUCKING STREETLIGHT WENT OUT
I stopped in my tracks and stared at this guy who looks up at me then to his lighter and hes as surprised as me then he takes his thumb off the trigger and THE STREETLIGHT TURNS BACK ON
HE GAVE THE MOST SURPRISED LOOK OF ANYONE EVER AND THEN SHOUTED “LATER MUGGLES” AND FUCKING RAN OFF
AM I DREAMING